Monday Motivation!!! and other things

A typical Monday mood for me is exhausted. Why? I have no idea, I didn’t even do that much today yet somehow the day seems to stretch further into the oblivion. I am also pretty sure this is the feeling across the board. As I sit here typing this post in the pre-spring humidity I think of all the events that happened personally, nationally, and globally in the past few weeks; a whirlwind, to say the least. So here I am, ready to be my outspoken and opinionated self. (Disclaimer: These are my opinions, if you have differing one’s that is ok and I would like to here them; it’s never bad to here the other side perspective). Let’s start personally, I have been very busy with school work lately and I have juts gotten down in the dumps about some of my grades. If any of y’all know what an enneagram is or the MBTI chart is I am a Type 1 and an INFJ so this little combo means that I am an extra perfectionist and I am always looking for way to internally improve and for the world to improve. I so easily get will beat up myself when I mess up or don’t do as well as I planned. But, it is never the end of the world. One grade will not change me. In the long run, who really cares if I made a lower grade than I wanted. I am having to learn to pick myself up, dust myself off, and try again. I am having to heavily rely on the Lord to remind me that I will NEVER be perfect, no matter how hard I try. However, I am completely and utterly enough for him. And that is all I need to be.

Now moving onto nationally. Let’s be honest, America is kinda a hot mess train wreck right now. We have had quite a bit a tragedy in the past few months and it pains me to think how these families must be feeling. I cannot fathom. Although our country does need prayer, it always does and always will because our country always needs healing and peace, but it also needs change and reform! We need change! I am not an expert in gun laws, not even close, but this is not just a people issue! I cannot stand here idly and just let people go off on twitter saying it’s just a heart issue and how in “drunk driving accidents we blame the driver” and crap like that. And yes we do blame the driver but that is completely different because guns can be obtained so easily and can kill hundreds at once, AT ONCE! Yes, there is a people problem but can we ever fix people? No. There will always be those who believe it is ok to shoot other living beings, however laws can be changed to where it is much more difficult to buy a gun. Also, teachers should not be armed. That is bad news waiting to happen and by arming teachers we are making it that much easier for someone to get a hold of a gun. So, no.

And finally, globally. Let me tell you a tidbit about myself, I freaking love the olympics. There is no better time every two years than that stretch of twenty or so days watching different nations compete for medals, and winter olympics are the best. So naturally I have been watching them all the time, at other sport games (because watching Shaun White win gold is far more important to me than a basketball game), at restauraunt at my house, at other people’s houses. I am always ready to pull out my Hulu live stream and my two different olympic apps to check medals count, looks up athletes, check schedules, and to see the scoring. It’s so refreshing to see a little cease in the global tension to watch our country compete in winter sports. especially figure skating, the best winter sport. It’s also awesome to see the friendships of these athletes within their nation and between. I love watching them congratulate each other and be kind to each other (however this not always the case… cough cough Canada’s womens hockey team). And I know that the olympics does not mean world peace, but I believe it is baby steps in the right direction. So I am in kinda a post-olympic slump but if you see a crazy hyped fan in Beijing 2022, I hope it’s me.

On another note, I have started reading this awesome book (that you can see updates of my progress on the Goodreads side bar) , First They Killed My Father, I don’t want to give away too much because I want y’all to look it up. But, it is so good and it’s a memoir, which I love. I have also been loving the Podium podcast, which is kinda over now that the olympics are over, but it had some cool behind the scenes and interviews that you won’t hear anywhere else. Also, Pantsuit Politics is another great podcast, two women from different parties share their thoughts on current events and issues, #girlbosses.

But I really wanted to just encourage y’all that if the Mexican cross-country skier can learn the entire sport in a year and qualify for the olympics then we can all make it through this week!!!

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What I Learned in 2017

Twenty seventeen. What a year. This year caused pain to many, including myself. But also brought personal achievements and new perspectives. However, through the trials & triumphs, I learned a multitude of lessons that I want to share with y’all.

1. Exercising regularly is important

Not only for my physical health, but for my mental health. Studies show that exercising increases endorphin which make you happy. I never fully understood that; in my ignorant ways I thought there was no way exercising made you happy if you hated doing it! But I was wrong. I worked out regularly in the summer and noticed that the days I worked out were the days I was naturally in a good mood and positive. Not to mention, working out has allowed me to keep in shape and has brought down my mile time significantly, which was my goal!

2. Give yourself a break

The way my personality is wired makes me feel responsible for just about everything. I find ways to make things my fault, even if it really isn’t. I apologize for things I that don’t need apologizing for. This led to self loathing. I started to beat myself down for mistakes or when I slipped up. For example, if I missed a workout because I overslept or didn’t feel up to it, I would feel that I was letting myself and my parents down; that I was unhealthy and a failure. Why I believed this load of crap I have no idea. I had to learn to give myself a break; I had to have grace for myself. I was allowing satan’s lies to life and believing them! The Lord wants us to change our ways and repent, however our loving, gracious, merciful Father does not want us to break ourselves over our sins. He just wants us repent to him, ask for forgiveness, and learn to correct them.

3. Natural, as for skin care, is ALWAYS better

I have always had oily skin with occasional dry spots, usually during the dry cold months. Because of this, and a few other things, I go to the dermatologist semi annually. On two separate occasions they have prescribed me two different topical medications. And this is not a dig or diss at dermatologists, they do great work and I have had many good things come out of those visits. However, my skin is really “moody”, sometimes its tough other times its extremely sensitive. And the two medications they prescribed worked, but had more cons than pros. It made my skin flaky, dry, and irritable. I was so done with putting makeup on flaking skin and constantly hating the way my skin was looking. So I quit my medications. I put an end to all harsh skin treatments. Instead, I found a natural face wash/ make up remover/ toner. Let me tell ya, this works wonders. The coconut oil in it moisturizer my face and gets off waterproof mascara, the baby shampoo helps wash off face makeup, and the apple cider vinegar acts as a toner. After that I was my face with a drug store face wash to get rid of the excess oil on my skin. It is amazing what natural ingredients can do for you skin and I will never turn to another topical medication again!

4. I am me, and not even I can change that

This year i have really learned to come to terms with myself. I am definitely a Type A, enneagram type 1, and an INFJ. I am organized in my own way and cannot stand a mess; I am one to take charge of any group when what needs to be done is not; I am the type of person that doesn’t simply give up, I have to finish; I am will go at all lengths (in moderation) to get what I want; I am not a people person although I try to please all I care about; mostly, I am me, and I cannot change the way I am wired. I have tried long and hard to become an extrovert or to always be bubbly or to try not and care what others think or to be less of a nerd about things I love or to be less passionate and fiery or to be less opinionated or to more sensitive. However, I cannot change these. I mean sure, i can be more outgoing when i want to be or be more bubbly if I try, but i cannot live like that all of the time. I have learned to love myself, the way I am. And yes, this is cliche and I am pretty sure every other lady that blogs writes this. But I am so serious about this. I used to hate that I was not as “normal”, or what i though was normal, as my bubbly, extraverted, less fiery, and mind filtered friends. And that’s just there personality, and I love them for it. But, it’s not me. And it will never be. This is just who I am, and I love it. I have learned to love my introverted, perfectionist, outspoken, goofy, sarcastic, snarky, always hungry, musical enthusiast, intuitive, period drama loving self. Even if that means I am kinda hard to like sometimes. And all personalities have flaws, and there are definitly things I have to work on. But for the most part, I just have to accept and love who I am, better or for worse.

Side note: INFJs are not some mystical unicorn psychics some MBTI charts make us out to be. We are just a mixture of many traits that make us more reserved and quiet with really good intuitive qualities, gut feeling if you will. We are not more special than the other types because we are the least common type. We just happen an extremely complex type that appears different with every INFJ.

5. Real friends love you, even when you are a pessimistic “b” sometimes

I have had my fair share of friendships. Some have lasted since 2nd grade other seem to weaken and eventually we part our ways. This happens to every human on this earth. But this year I have realized who my true friends are. Those who love me good, all the freaking time. Because my title for this lesson is my a good 40% of the time. Yet, they still love me. I know this because of all the times I have been a pessimistic bum or have vented for hours, and later apologized for it, they always tell me “it’s ok” or ” no, I totally get it” and the next day they are still there for me. So just a shout out to my best buds and a big thanks with a hug, even though I am not a fan of hugs, because y’all are the most quality people I have ever met and I love y’all more than I can say. Thank you for always encouraging me, believing in me, inviting me, listening to my talks, and laughing with me. Y’all truly are the best human beings I have ever met and I will always want to protect y’all.

6. Do what makes you happy

This little line can be totally misconstrued. For me at least, this does not mean I have no responsibility for myself and I can do whatever I feel like or want. No. This means that if I want to teach myself to play the piano again, then I will because it makes me happy. Or if would rather stay home than go out, then I will because I would rather be at home being happy than out and miserable and vice versa. This also means that when I do something that I think is weird and I fear others thoughts about it, I have to let go of that fear and just do it. Like listening to broadway music 24/7 or being really interested in my DNA and family ancestry. Because these things are kinda out of the ordinary but they make me happy. And I would rather be happy than listen to their thoughts.

7. There is more to faith than just a quiet time

I used to think that a daily quiet time was the ultimate way to grow closer to God. It’s great to have a quiet time daily, but more needs to be done. What’s the point of faith if we stay on the boat. Like Peter, we must step out onto the water with total faith in the Lord. We must step outside of our comfort zone because we cannot grow where we have already grown. I learned this concept this summer, in Munich. Where I was pushed daily to step out of my reserved ways and talk to people and pray out loud in public places. I grew so much through this. My quiet time with Him prepared me for the day. And I struggle daily with this. I don’t want to make myself uncomfortable, but he calls us to live uncomfortably, and I have taken this call, and so I must. I was shown this summer a new perspective on those who do not know our Father. They are all souls, lost and wandering. And it is our job to plant seed, water seeds, or harvest plants for these souls because they all must have the opportunity to be saved. How selfish are we not to want to help these souls. Because we all are, including myself. That is why each day we must wake up and be ready to walk out on our faith whenever we see the oppurtunity because the Lord is always there across the water ready to save us when we start to sink. And though he may let us start to sink to wake us up from our way of no faith, he will not let us drown.

These were all the major lessons I learned this year.

2017 has been a year of growth, trial, and overall learning to love our Father, others, and myself. And I am thankful for all those who have taught me these lessons, where intentional or unintentional. Thank you to all who read my posts this year. This is where I like to put myself onto paper, figuratively, and write my feelings. I am so grateful for this gift God has granted me and this opportunity to share what he is teaching me with whoever wants to listen. I lift up everyone who has had trails upon trials this year. I pray for peace of soul and mind to you and that the Lord would show you how out of such tragedy and pain, he is still there, and never left.  So 2017, I take a bow and next year, hopefully, I will come back learning more, and applying these lessons to my everyday life.

 

Autumn

Autumn

is a smell

a specific smell that

comes in spetember

and leaves in november

if I could I would bottle it up

maybe make a candle

but then it wouldn’t be special

everyone would know

what my autumn smells like

I would smell it all the time

I would hate the smell by the time

September comes back

Autumn is a feeling

warm and soft

like an old flannel blanket

or a cup of tea with honey and lemon

crisp and refreshing

the leaves are under foot

or the way you can see straight

through a thicket of trees

Autumn is time

busy and always running

like the minute hand is catching up to you

which is a shame when you can’t

fully enjoy the harvest season

time for giving thanks

but of all the seasons

only one can hold

my attention

Autumn

 

Nostalgia

Merriam Webster defines it as ” the state of being homesick”. Today was nostalgic.

Its funny how our minds work to allow certain smells or words to set off a trigger of memories and emotions. Today I saw  sights, people, smells, sounds all left me yearning for somewhere else.

This is typically where I would que Munich to come in, but it was so much more than that. I had a homesickness for a place I have never been. A community I have never met. Yet, I felt this warm ticklish feeling bubble within that only occurs when I am in a certain setting.

I felt that today.

Y’all are all probably wondering what this means to me, well it means I feel at home. I feel like I am attached to a string and each time I see these people, smell these smells, hear them whispering in their native tongue, and feel their presence, the string is yanked and yanked. Like magnets. I don’t know if this is the Lord’s doing. That is something I have to really pray on, but he sent me to Munich where I futher deepened a love for this culture.

So maybe it is or maybe it isn’t… but I still feel nostalgic.

Life Letter #2

Here I sit reflecting upon my life thus far

16 years of living

doesn’t seem to amount too much

however in these 16 years, as my teacher pointed out this past week,

we are experts on education

we have been in education since we were 5

so in so ways we amount to a lot

regardless of that, we still amount

our personalities, decisions, life-styles change the world around us

in ways that seem small but

to go back and change it changes other

people’s lives as well

someone’s decision to make it physically known

that people are nothing; just space

changes the course of

numerous

lives

yet, we see people different from these certain individuals

we see personalities; 16 in fact

ISFJ, ESFJ, INTP, ENTP

ISTP, ESTP, INFP, ENFP

ISFP, ESFP, INTJ, ENTJ

ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ

and me, INFJ

& these are only the categories

each letter is a trait

each trait creates

a feeling

these don’t even scratch the surface

of a human

made up of organs, bones, muscles

a brain that sends signals

to

every

part

of

us

each thing is made up a cells

but there are different types of cells

for different parts of the body

each cell contains a system similar to ours

and every cell organelle is made up of an atom

every atom a proton, neutron, electron

and so on

we are all atoms, cells, organs, and organisms

but we all have different structures

physically and mentally

yet some people doesn’t value our existence

and brutally

shoot

bull-doze

and kill

because they don’t see the value we see in

life

we amount to something

our actions are dominos that lead either to crying, laughing, or

somewhere in between

and these individuals actions affect us

our communities

families

nations

but they always end with crying

because we amount to something

we are something

we are all humans

 

 

 

 

yes, I am a feminist…

…for women who are not able to contribute to their society, for women for are held against their will, for women who are undervalued and underestimated, and for women who aren’t allowed to get an education.

I don’t want anyone one to take this the wrong way, no place on earth is perfectly equal. I would love to see more female leaders and I love hearing about women with amazing leadership qualities and their achievements, women have come a long way. But, I really hate hearing about these women who are no longer trying to be equal but instead superior. What the heck is that? Why has it come to this? I feel like we have gone blind and can only see the “inequality” in our country. When, in fact, women’s rights, here, are amazing. And yes there are a few things that aren’t equal. Women don’t always get a typical “man’s” job, there are pay wage gaps, and women can be catcalled. And, once again, I don’t want anyone to take this the wrong way (because yes all these things suck), but we have it pretty good here. We are the lucky ones. Women in Afghanistan aren’t getting the typical “man’s” job because their education isn’t valued. According to the UN Women* in 2013, 12% of women in Afghanistan were literate. And yeah, pay gaps are real. A 2003 study in India* showed that a single sex slave could earn her owner 250,000 rupees or more a year, and she gets little to nothing of it. Not to mention, she is a sex slave; she is being held against her will. And women are definitely being cat-called and harassed. There are many gangs that terrorize low-caste women in India that rape, humiliate, and murder women. I am not in any way trying to make light of the problems that do occur in America; yes women are harassed and some things may be unequal. All I am trying to do is widen your vision. Maybe we should stop spending all of our energy trying to fix America’s problem, and things will never be perfect, and take a look at the world. There are so many things wrong with how women are treated across the globe. Like organizations such as Equality Now or the Malala Fund.

In his novel Half the Sky, Nicholas D. Kristoff writes “American feminism must become less parochial so that it is every bit as concerned with sex slavery in Asia as with title IX sports programs in Illinois”

So women of America, and the world, take a big look at this planet. Real feminism is not about making women supreme and fixing every little problem. Real feminism is helping bring light to the injustices across the world making sure women are treated as humans that deserve respect and an education.

Tuesday Thinking…

What if American feminists cared as much about the women sold into sex slavery, the women who are killed if their dowry isn't enough, or the women who are not "worthy" of an education, across the globe, as they did when Trump was elected president? I wonder how the dynamic of the world could have changed if the Women's March was used to promote women's education and equality WORLDWIDE, even in the little villages of Pakistan, instead of exclusively in America or any other highly developed city. Women here have rights. I think we are just finding things to complain about. And I am not belittling the harassment or rape that happens to women in the US, because I know it does, but it happens everywhere else too.

More to come about this topic…