Chasing & Thinking

I know I haven’t blogged in a while, sorry, I have been busy. Today, I am going to let you all in on how I feel  in my walk with Christ. I feel as if my game of tag may be slowing down. I feel that I am still chasing but I also feel as if I am also going. I don’t know. I feel as if God isn’t even there sometimes. I feel empty when I try to read his word; I just don’t feel that movement that I thought I would. I am very upset that I feel this way, because I want to do great things to glorify him. I am trying to hear him and listen, but maybe a little to hard.

If you were listening to someone talk, but at the same time you were talking over them or thinking about something else. Are you really listening anymore? No. You would be so focused on what you have to say that it completely over powers everything the other person is saying. What if you and me were doing that to God? What if we were trying to hard to think, find, and feel that we were missing him telling us things. That he was trying to show us, but we were so busy trying to find him. He was right behind us. What if you were doing this? What if I am doing this?

And here I am again over thinking everything I say or do. I can’t help but think everything on a deeper level. It won’t stop. I remember my teacher in 6th grade once told me,  “Emily, you are over thinking this. Just stop thinking about it so hard.” . She was my math teacher and naturally, I over think. Maybe, we just all need to ton it down a bit. Take is slow and easy. Meditate in his word.

What if he is talking to me; through my writings and blog posts. I just don’t know anymore. I always forget to finish my prayers and have a hard time finding time to meditate in his word. I just want to hear want he wants me to do to serve him and bring glory to him because he saved me from Satan and sin, he saved me!!! But what do I do!

These are my thoughts; I never rough draft my posts, I just start typing. Maybe this is him going through me and popping thoughts into my head what to type. Word after word. Maybe I need to just stop and dwell in him.


Author: Emily Blair

avid thinker. INFJ. sushi enthusiast. opinionated. outspoken. strong believer in women's education. old soul. follower of Christ.

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